Dear Miroir Noir,
As someone interested in women, but not very experienced in that field, I was wondering, how do you practice safe sex? Do people actually use dental dams? I'm just worried about looking silly, but I don't want an STI. Help!
-Dental Damsel in Distress
Dear Dental Damsel in Distress,
Firstly, I am excited about your new adventure. Congratulations! It’s always fun being with someone of the same gender. You are far more attuned to how their body works. For anyone reading this, don’t be mistaken! I still think the male form is just as heavenly.
But onto your dilemma, my dear: safety is always important. That’s something I will stress until the day I keel over, or my genitals do; hopefully we go at the same time. Although safety isn’t very sexy, it’s far more embarrassing trying to explain an STI. On that note, I’m not shaming anyone who has one. No one is perfect. You show me a person who says they’ve always used protection and I’ll show you a virgin or a liar. We’ve all had mishaps. No, I haven’t always had my dental dams and no, I haven’t always used condoms. I don’t like to think about those days.
During this beautiful sexual revolution we’re experiencing, people aren’t always getting the right information about oral sex and STI transmissions. For instance, genital herpes used to only come from the strain HSV-2. However, diseases are changing before our very eyes. Cold sores, also known as HSV-1, have been confirmed to be transferrable to the genitals. HSV-2 has become just as tricky, able to transfer to people’s lips as well. Luckily, herpes is not physically damaging, only embarrassing. Chlamydia is another angry devil that will happily live in your throat. We must remember that genitals and mouths are cousins because they’re both mucous membranes. While dental dams and condoms aren’t sexy, they can mean one less trip to the doctor. If we can cut down on the rate of transmissions, orgies won’t seem so weird.
When the time comes, after initiating physical contact and being sure that she is ready, have your dental dam within reach. I always like to keep my protection in my back pockets because front pockets for women don’t exist. If not that, a purse, but be sure to keep it handy. Getting lost in the heat of the moment can happen, but if your protection is nearby, you’re more likely to use it and it won’t cause the awkward delay.
With the dam in your hand and your partner primed and ready, making out while you open the packaging can distract yourself and your partner. If she raises an eyebrow at protection and makes you feel awkward, reinforce the idea that you care enough about them to protect them. If you make it about yourself, you’re implying that they may be disease ridden. There’s nothing sexy about being made to feel like a rat during the Black Plague. If you make them feel like you’re doing it for the safety of this blossoming sexual relationship, it lessens the implications. Nothing hurts worse than when one partner's STI symptoms pop up before the others. Like many diseases, STIs don’t just appear right away. So one person might have had it for months while another just got it. If one partner’s symptoms flare up faster, fingers get pointed and feelings get hurt. That’s the last thing anyone wants for our readers, especially me.
I hope I answered your questions and like a baseball batter, I hope you stay safe!