By: Miroir Noir
I feel like I'm boring in bed? I wanna get better but I am also really nervous about being in the spotlight/ doing something wrong (kinda new to sex here!) How do I gain confidence in the bedroom/ how do I be more interesting? – A.O.
Boring in bed? My dear, no one is boring in bed! While you might not want to role play and whip out the nipple clamps, there are all sorts of things you can explore. At the same time, being kinky isn’t a necessity. Sometimes, just being yourself means you’ll find a partner who wants the exact same things that you do! However, for the sake of exploration, let’s dive into figuring out new and exciting things to do in the bedroom and how to do so!
If you are exploring things by yourself, consider everything that really turns you on. When you get in the mood to take care of yourself, what is it about your fantasies that you enjoy? Do you enjoy a man’s strong arms? Maybe you have a kink of being held by these strong arms and giving up control. Do you enjoy the way a woman caresses your shoulders and back? Perhaps you can do a massage therapist roleplay one day before engaging in some fun bedroom stuff.
At the end of the day, everyone has their turn-ons and sometimes it takes some little steps between arousal and explosion for you to figure out more stuff about your sexual self. Your sexual self is a glorious self, trust me!
If you are exploring things with a partner, there is a site called Mojo Upgrade which I totally love. You can use this site with a partner to figure out which kinks both of you share. You’ll take a quiz and only the things that you both match on will appear afterwards. That way, the other secretive kinks aren’t revealed until both of you are ready to reveal more about yourselves. Once you get the results, go out and have a few drinks at the bar and get a rideshare to a popular novelty store. This way, you and your partner can go in, share some laughs, and hopefully bring home a new toy or two to explore your shared kinks. It’ll be a blast in the ass
Can I be honest with you? Even I, Miroir Noir, worry about my confidence. The best way to build your sexual confidence is understanding your partner’s needs. When I was younger, I did lots of research on what people enjoyed in bed. There are two main things: enthusiasm and honesty. If you are enthusiastic about what is happening and you are vocally stimulating your partner, I guarantee you aren’t boring in bed! Genuine moans of joy from all genders are a main turn on so please don’t be shy.
Honesty goes hand-in-hand with communication. When you are enjoying your pillowtalk, it is ok to ask how everything went and if anything needs adjusting. I like to tell my partners about compliment sandwiches! It’s where they tell you what they loved during the act, what you can improve on, and finish with another thing they loved. Don’t feel bad if your technique needs adjusting because, I don’t know if you know this but, we are human. We are never perfect and that is totally ok! Make sure to return the favor and be honest about your needs because a good partner will lovingly inquire about what they can do as well.
Lastly, sometimes people lack confidence because they are concerned about their body and, honey, let me tell you somethin’: This person found you attractive enough to bring you into the bedroom. Every little small thing you worry about is not noticed by your sweet and caring partner and if they do, fuck ‘em. Well, not literally. What I meant to say is chuck ‘em to the curb! They don’t deserve your enthusiasm, your honesty, or your kinky explorations. I hope that I helped you, A.O. Now go get ‘em, tiger!