By: Minoir Noir
Dear Minoir Noir,
I’ve been curious as to how you figured out your fetishes and kinks?
Before I begin to glean my memories of sexual debauchery, I would like to clarify a key difference between fetishes and kinks. On the surface, kinks are preferences you acquire in the bedroom but can learn to live without. But the discovery of a fetish often marks the beginning of one's sexual awakening.
For one, I actually don't have any fetishes. Anything I am into I can live without if I am in a loving relationship. However, people with fetishes typically acquire them during early pubescence and claim their fetishes help make up their sexual identity. A lot of times, fetishes can get in the way of healthy relationships if not communicated effectively. In other words, a lot of fetishists can’t achieve orgasm without their fetishes being met on a regular basis with their partner. I always recommend people with fetishes be very upfront about their desires when entering new relationships. This will avoid both partners feeling unsatisfied or confused in their bedroom, living room or car backseat activities. Hey, I’ve done it all.
Kinks on the other hand are typically learned over time and, while favorable to the kinkster, can be omitted. Some of my kinks include puppy play, pegging and spanking. While I love all three of those things, I don’t need every partner to enact them for me to be happy. Trust me, I’ve got a hundred kinks or so and I’m bound to find one that will match with my partner. I’ve been a lucky gal in that manner. And why? Because, like I recommend with fetishes, kinks should be talked about up front. While I don’t need to have my kinks fulfilled, I would like to explore the options and also discuss my partners kinks or fetishes.
Now that we are done clearing that up like an anal cavity prior to pegging, I’ll get into how I discovered my kinks. I’ve had a high libido for as long as I can remember – in part due to extra testosterone in my body and also because of how much I love sex. It's not the only thing in my life that fulfills me, but anyone whose seen me in a dry spell knows how starved I look. I would say that my BDSM kinks started at a very young age. I wasn’t necessarily thinking about sex but I enjoyed playing games with kids where I was tied up or I was the patient in a doctor scenario. I just liked being told what to do. During middle school I discovered one of my all-time favorite websites literotica.com and the exploration of my kinks soared.
By the time I actually lost my PIV (penis-in-vagina) virginity, a stupid notion anyways, I asked my boyfriend at the time to go to a sex shop to buy some nipple clamps and a paddle. It was time to get fucking weird. Ever since then, I’ve enjoyed the BDSM lifestyle. If you often fantasize about something that easily gets you aroused, it just might be your kink. Don’t put it on the back burner and don’t be ashamed. Look it up! We’ve got the world wide web and I guarantee there are people out there like you.
Do some research and soul searching, but don’t dig too deep. Sometimes in the early stages of my sexual blooming I would get frustrated as to why certain things turn me on. Was it because of that one movie? Is my relationship to my father to blame? In the end, who gives a flying fuck! Well… I guess I do because if fucks are flying about the place, I would like to catch one. On a more serious final note, be careful while enacting your kinks and fetishes and you'll be just fine. You may even discover some kinks are better as fantasies and that’s ok! At least you tried it, right?